Hairs and big ears

Trimmed my nostrils and ears this morning. Should be able to breathe and hear better, but I don’t, so it’s primarily an aesthetic issue.

Things happen to a guy as the years pile on, and this includes hair coming out of the nose and ears. And speaking of ears, they get bigger. Fascinating stuff.

There’s nothing I can do about the Dumbo ears, but I can control the nose and ear hairs. Why is it that hair  sounds nice, but hairs  sounds yucky? That letter s  is transformative but not in a positive way. The short hairs?  Even worse.

My child bride is adamant that I control my hairs. She might be more of an asset, pointing out fertile patches, if she would only wear her glasses, but she does not. Vanity.

So I’m mostly on my own with hairs control. I have one of those battery-run trimmers, but it’s so old it’s unreliable. I’ve bought new ones, but they’ve been disappointments.

Bad designs. They just don’t work well, poor slice-and-dice.

It’s amazing how many old men pay no mind to the hairs problem. Their ears resemble wheat fields on a warm summer afternoon.

CorsairHow they breathe through the nose crop is tough to understand. And then there’s the eyebrows, which on some coots resemble F4U Corsairs.

Most men do this from neglect, but others clearly cultivate the eyebrow wings, giving them intentional upsweeps. It’s a lunatic look.

I prefer my eyebrows with the basic buzz cut, but sometimes they fly off the proverbial handle for brief periods. I beg forgiveness.

* * * *

Let’s turn to old women.

God intended for women to have long hair. That’s a fact. It’s a man-magnet. Some cultures now permit, even encourage, women to sport short hair. Lamentable!

Today’s United States is a classic example. It has become a unisex nation with everybody looking pretty much the same — as feminists want. A woman with short hair means she doesn’t care about attracting male attention, even her spouse’s.

She has ceased to be a butterfly.

With an old woman, this is understandable. Cut them some slack. They deserve peace after putting up with men for so many years. It’s still not a good look, however.

Old women are fortunate in that hairs do not sprout from their nostrils and ears, at least not as enthusiastically as they do with us old men.

As God wants women to have long hair on their heads, he does not want to see women with, you know, hairs. Women’s ears do get a bit bigger, however.

* * * *

If you spot me today, note the clear openings into my skull, the buzz cuts over the eyes. There’s nothing to be done about the Dumbo ears, however.

Some things one must simply endure.

19 thoughts on “Hairs and big ears

  1. I cannot believe we are discussing weird hair growth areas, very funny; but I agree, a well-trimmed man looks better. The hairdresser trims Roy’s eyebrows when he gets a haircut. He does his own ears and nose.

    Old women do have weird facial hair growth. They just usually get rid of it quickly before men see it.

    As to the long hair on women thing, I have very fine hair. I had long hair most of my life. I had to either wear it braided or put up in some fashion, or I could not get a comb through the knots that the slightest wind created in this fine hair. As I got older it took more and more time to care for and did not look good on me, aging effect. I cut it off a foot at a time over several years and have never regretted it.

    Fine to look at, a bear to deal with. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

    Have a great, hair-free day.


  2. And at what age do ears start getting bigger?

    Women do sprout hair in strange places as they age. Best to keep a small mirror at hand to check often since they seem to appear out of nowhere and at any given time.


    1. Andean: The bigger ears happen so gradually that you cannot pinpoint a date that’s even close. You just look in the mirror one day and notice they’re larger than they used to be.


  3. I don’t know about you, Felipe, but as I get older I am getting hair in weird places too. (Bill Cosby did a very funny bit on this once too.) Like the bridge of my nose and the tops of my ears. Very peculiar! Thank goodness for tweezers.


    1. Mike: If memory serves, you are in your mid-40s, way too young for this. It bodes badly for your future. In time, you may resemble a gorilla. Of course, some women will think that’s really hot. Let’s hope your wife is one of them.


  4. This is why it’s important to have a Pact with more than one person. If you’re in the hospital with both arms immobilized or comatose, or even worse, those who’ve agreed to the Pact will rush to your side, armed with tweezers and perform the necessary tonsorial acts. A child who refuses to pledge to carry out the Pact for a parent should be summarily disinherited; a spouse who refuses to pledlge to the Pact must be cast off, and a friend who refuses the Pact must be at once and forevermore unfriended. Those are the rules.


    1. Red Shoes: Is this Pact of which you speak something official? Like a Living Will? Can you get a generic form in the stationary store?

      In any event, I have an unwritten, unspoken pact with my child bride. In the unlikely event that she checks out ahead of me, I will be in trouble. I have no pacts with anyone else, written or otherwise.


    2. If I am ever in a coma, my sister has promised to perform certain chores so that I do not awake with offers to join the circus as a freak of some sort. This is part of growing older. Every Southern woman has a relative who knows about these sad facts.


  5. After reading this post I rushed to the bathroom, grabbed a very strong mirror and made the necessary adjustments. I am now clean as a whistle and once again socially acceptable.


  6. The ears and nose grow continuously through your life, the only body part that never grows is the eyes. They are full size at birth. Hairs surrounding these areas should be controlled. I know men who refuse to mow their eyebrows, how Neanderthal!

    My opinion is that when a woman becomes a certain age, different for each one, it becomes time to go to a shorter style. That doesn’t mean a buzz though.


    1. Kris: The growing nose slipped my mind, but you are right. At least mine is maintaining its initial form, not spreading all over my face.Thank the Goddess for small favors.


  7. I’m already somewhat privy to the ear problem. And I have a plan. Next time that I’m in Mexico for an extended period, I intend to have those babies lasered into oblivion.

    Why keep trimming when you can get a more permanent solution?


    Kim G
    Boston, MA
    Where we never intend to surrender to unwanted hair. NEVER!


Comments are closed.