Blowback from the break

SINCE MY CHILD bride broke her arm recently, life has taken some significant detours here at the Hacienda.

Some affect her more than me, and some affect me more than her, but everyone is affected. Perhaps the worst part is that she cannot go to the gym, something she’s done regularly for about 30 years.

This is driving her nuts.

Since her car has an automatic transmission, and her broken arm is the left one, and she’s right-handed, she can still drive, but she’s nervous about it, so she’s not driving. I am now the full-time chauffeur.

She cannot easily put cream cheese on her bagels in the morning or orange marmalade on her croissants. I do that for her.

Neither can she iron clothes, which she’s done since we got married. I am fully capable of ironing clothes, and I ironed clothes all the time during my previous marriage. Now I’m back to ironing clothes.

But I don’t do it as well as she does because the occasional wrinkle does not bother me. I’m more laid back about creases’ locations.

She still sweeps and mops, but not very well. Oh, well.

When she showers, I have to tape a plastic bag around her cast. She does remove it, however. We’re using lots of bags.

Which brings us to her hair, which is curly and very long. There’s not much she can do with it wielding one hand so I have been drafted. I am not good at it. Sometimes she looks goofy.

Her weekend pastry sales on the downtown plaza have been suspended, so she’s unemployed. I continue her benefits, however.

Today ends the first week of this new life. According to the doctor, it will continue for another three to five weeks. We’re praying for just three.

Neither of us had broken a bone before, and neither of us had lived with someone who’d broken a bone, so we’d never given it much thought.

It’s kind of a pain in the butt.

23 thoughts on “Blowback from the break

  1. This too shall pass and you both shall be the stronger for it. Think this is the first time I’ve had the privilege of posting the first comment.

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    1. Mound: Yes, all it requires is patience. In life all bad times eventually end. Alas, all good times do the same.

      As for being the first commenter, you can do it again. Just be more alert! Set your priorities!

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  2. Why not splurge a little. I’m sure you could find a worker to come for half a day, and at a very reasonable cost. She could help with the hair, the ironing, the sweeping, and although you didn’t mention it, the bed making. She might even be able to do some cooking (with supervision). And maybe even drive your child bride to go shopping. I remember when I was about 8, I had an ear infection, and my Dad had pneumonia, and someone else was sick. We found a housekeeper to work 8 hours a day. We got to leave the dishes from the night before, and she did them the next morning after she had fixed us breakfast. It was a great life. And really helped my mother.

    Who knows, maybe you will like the life of being boss instead of worker. Maybe she would enjoy picking up the fallen fruit. And might even do the laundry.

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    1. Phil: We are extremely averse to domestic help, and seeing as how we’ve made it through the first week, I imagine the next three will be even easier. I pray so. What you suggest is what sensible people do. Not us.

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    1. Ms. Shoes: How nice that our suffering provides amusement, moderate or otherwise. As for calling in reinforcements, it’s not likely to happen. We bulldozed through the first week already. But, not for the first time, I am puzzled as to how you have managed to break so many bones in your life. You’ve never been a Hollywood stuntwoman to my knowledge.

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  3. Felipe: The life of a caregiver is a thankless one, but you benefit from the giving. At least that’s what I told my wife the first couple of weeks after I got my new knee.

    Even minor disabilities are a pain in the butt. You will be a good husband, I am sure.

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    1. Kris: I am an excellent husband. Thanks for noticing. My first wife knew that, which is why she’s still mad at me 50 years after I left. My second wife did not know that, which is why she dumped me. She had second thoughts later, however.

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  4. Yep. You have been on the planet so long you have learned that everything changes. You are lucky to be in that group. I know several folks (older than us) who have yet to notice that lesson.

    Congratulations to both of you for your current adaptations.

    Live well and prosper long. Keep learning those hard lessons.

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      1. Felipe: Ironing is something that might happen once a year in our abode. The last time was when I bought a silk shirt that had wrinkles when I bought it.

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  5. I am curious why both of you are averse to “hired help.”

    My husband fell out of the tree, broke his leg and tore the main muscle in half, in his upper right arm! He was 70 and his first broken bone. You can bet we had hired help for a while. I did take over a lot of chores too.

    He doesn’t climb into trees any longer.

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    1. Good Lord, Beverly! Tell the old buzzard to stay out of trees. That sounds dreadful. Why are we averse to hired help? We just don’t like the idea of having relative strangers under foot here. It’s why we have not had domestic help in quite a few years. That, and the fact that the last one was prone to stealing.

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  6. You have brought back memories for me. I’ve had quite a few Ortho surgeries that incapacitated me in many ways. Never thought about hiring help. Daughter helped with one of the surgeries, but you learn how to do things with one arm, one leg, having casts, using garbage bags taped to your skin in order to have a shower. It is amazing what we can do when we don’t have a choice, by choice or not.

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    1. Peggy: Mexicans, which my wife is, of course, are famously capable and versatile people. We’re not really having that hard a time of it. Better not to have it, but it’s certainly doable without hired help.

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  7. Your tale brought back memories of my confinement to crutches when I broke my ankle. But I had to dig deep to find them. And, in a few weeks, you will be in the same memory boat. It is odd how these events completely change our lives — for a bit. And then we move on. Often forgetting there was a tope in the highway. Of course, comments like mine are mildly irritating when you are still in the midst of the disruption.

    So, just let me toast the tad of amnesia you will soon experience.

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    1. Señor Cotton: Your comments are never irritating. I imagine that stirring crutches into the mix makes a worse situation. Plus the fact that you lived alone at that time. As some wag once said, being single isn’t for sissies.

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